Tuesday, April 11, 2017

One Thousand And Seven

Tuesday was Venturers for Rudi, and as Katherine was going to her parent support group meeting in Kitchener, I took Alexander with me to Stratford to pass the two hours of time between dropping Rudi off and picking him up.

I needed some gas for the van, and Alexander had suggested we visit Tim Horton's (for his very own donut, perhaps?).  On driving out Ontario Street, we passed Dairy Queen, and Alexander suggested we could skip Timmies and go there instead. I suggested that if he came up with three good reasons for visiting Dairy Queen, we could get dessert...  Naturally I got three good reasons, with a fourth as an added bonus!

After some regular octane fuel for the van and high octane fuel for us, in the form of medium sized DQ Blizzards, we headed off to Stratford Public Library to check things out.  Alexander led me downstairs into the kids section, which we had all to ourselves.  We explored the shelves, but eventually Alexander got over to the young kids play and reading area, and began building a wooden block barn with henhouse, so I came over and lent him a hand.

The familiarity of that room began to grow on me now, so I asked Alexander if he remembered the times we came here in the past, those evenings when Rudi was in Scouts, and Katherine was at Orchestra in Kitchener. We would always visit this room in the library, and I would read him books and we would play, for an hour or more, until we had to leave to pick Rudi up.  Our occasional Tuesday nights out, which ran for at least a few years, ended in the late spring of 2014, but because of Rudi getting sick, they never started again.

And on that thought, for about the thousandth time, I began to feel overwhelmed, and the almost hollow feeling, the foamy surge before the crashing storm, began to rise up in my chest. And the Lilliputian army of men and beasts, thousands strong, set to work in an instant, Timbers felled into line were braced and bolted, sections of palisade were heaved and pulled upright, and made fast against bastions of stone, ditches were dug and earthworks raised  And just as the work was completed the explosion of emotion began to break against the walls.  And for the thousandth time, the hastily assembled defences held fast and stood tall, and I was able to not break down and cry.

And then the questions started to fill my mind. What has Alexander lost in three years? Anything? Has he been neglected? have we been kinder or more favorable to Rudi? How will the last three years affect him? Or will he be affected at all? 

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Nine Hundred And Forty Eight

Strength. When you have a child with cancer, you see references to that characteristic commonly enough, in social media posts, blogs, and links to articles about children with cancer and their families. They can be direct and straightforward: "I am amazed at how much strength you have...", or indirect and more subtle:  "I have no idea what you are going through, or how I would even manage..." 

But are we actually stronger than parents whose children never get such a catastrophic diagnosis? I don't think that's the case at all. But there is one difference: We have had that strength tested, while those who are not in our place have not. And like so many who have gone before us, we have passed that test, and moved on. And all those who follow us will be tested as well, and they too will pass.

So contrary to the way many people think about strength, and what it takes to endure a journey like this that is presented to us, we are not super human, or brave, or exceedingly strong in any fashion. We have been presented with something rather nasty and horrible, and we are simply getting through it, doing what it takes to survive. We have been tested, and have passed... And in the unlikely event you are ever tested, I am quite certain you will pass as well.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Nine Hundred And Two

My son has T-Cell Lymphoblastic Leukemia. Apart from the fact it simply occurs as a random mutation of white blood cells in the bone marrow, there is absolutely no other known cause.  It certainly was not caused by eating "Five cancer causing children's snacks made from petroleum", including frosted strawberry poptarts, M & M's, gummy fruit snacks, Cheetos, or  Teddy Grahams.

After two and a half years of treatment, commonly known as Chemotherapy, it is becoming evident he will be a long term survivor of childhood cancer. And contrary to popular ignorance, apart from Chemotherapy, there is absolutely no other known cure. If not for modern Chemotherapy, he would have died about two years ago. much like virtually every child who died from leukemia up until the middle of the twentieth century.

Of course, if everything on the internet were true, we would have opted out of conventional treatment and put Rudi on cannabis oil concentrate, lemongrass smoothies, asparagus tea, and consulted with a holistic doctor who would help him meditate to kill his cancer cells, and within a year he would be cured. But everything on the internet is not true, so much like the sad case of Makayla Sault, had we done that, he would be dead.

But the issue with the internet is much of what is on it is actually complete and utter nonsense, or plain out lies, like the commonly touted "There is a cure for cancer, but pharmaceutical companies are making so much money on drugs they are suppressing it". There are so many ways to counter this complete stupidity that I hardly know where to begin... Cancer, either childhood or adult, in some way will affect everyone, at some point in there life. Are the people who believe this claim really going to believe that an exective or major shareholder with a pharmeceutical company who has the cure going to let their loved one die to keep their profits? And the pharmeceuticals who produce chemotherapeutic drugs are going to be the same ones who find the cure and suppress it? I could go on, but I will just have to explore the hundred or so refutations to that load of utter shit in another post.






http://www.cancer.org/cancer/leukemiainchildren/detailedguide/childhood-leukemia-what-causes